This week, Wise Heart explore some simple and effective ways to help us create the quality of listening we desire, all while respecting others’ autonomy and choice. Have a look at our blog titled 6 Ways that Support You Being Heard for additional strategies that will support you in being heard.
P.S. Don’t miss another blog, receive our weekly blog directly in your inbox by subscribing to our newsletter at the bottom of this page. If you found this blog helpful, share it with another.
In almost any situation, honouring someone’s choice supports more connection. Autonomy is one of the most important human needs. Thus, checking in with someone’s choice to listen or not sets the stage for being heard more fully. On the other hand, when someone has the perception that you are talking to them without considering their choice, resentful listening might be the result.
A little mindfulness check-in about choice before starting a conversation can go a long way. A check-in can sound as simple as, “Can I tell you something?” With this one little question, you can meet needs for consideration, choice, and participation.
Here are some ways to ask for listening and offer respect for autonomy:
- Is this a good time to tell you something about what happened at work today?
- I have something to share about an interaction with our kids this morning and I am looking for empathy. Do you have energy for that right now?
- I have a celebration. Do you want to hear it?
- I am wanting to tell you about ______. Are you interested in hearing?
- I notice I am needing empathy. Are you in a place for that?
As you come up with ways to ask for listening, you may find that you get an automatic yes from certain people. Sometimes people are so surprised at being asked that they don’t really believe it’s a choice. You can support someone in making an authentic choice by asking a follow-up question. Here are some examples of what that might sound like:
- Are you sure? I can wait until later.
- Would you prefer to talk later?
- Are you needing some quiet?
- Are you really focused on what you are doing?
- Does that topic seem like too much right now?
Offering options like these shows more explicitly that you are considering the other person’s needs when you make a request to be heard.
Practice
This week, practice checking in with someone before you start a conversation. Practice a variety of ways to honour their choice to listen or not. When someone does consciously choose to listen, notice if there is a difference in the quality of connection and your sense of being heard.
I hope you enjoyed this week’s blog. Do share your thoughts and experiences below.
Thank you for reading, for being here, and for being you.
With love.
Ceferino
If you would like to learn practical and concrete relationship and communication skills to create thriving relationships with yourself and others, then have a look at our upcoming Mindful Compassionate Dialogue course, where you’ll learn the skills, practices and capacity to do just that. Our journey starts on 2nd July 2025.
You are also invited to join our free monthly Empathy Circle, where you can learn and discover what empathy is, and more importantly, practice giving and receiving empathy, allowing you to be deeply seen and heard in whatever challenge or celebration you’re navigating.
If you’d like to experience a powerful coaching conversation, book a complimentary 1:1 Coaching Call with me.
2 comments